Train Kept A-Rollin'

Though it is a far overused quote, I am going to throw it out there: Derby saved my soul. Not in a, I was depressed/miserable/had no reason kind of way. Life was fine before the derby world. I had a great job, good family, good friends. But nothing I have experienced has helped me develop so much as a person. Both on and off the track, I have learned patience, endurance, conflict resolution, balance, peace, confidence, humility, sacrifice. Through my year on skates I have learned so much about who I am as a person—I have endured pain, both emotional and physical, that I never thought possible. I have been wrong. I have also been right—and still had to bite my tongue. I have learned that my passion is contagious, that other people will see it and often burn brighter. I’ve also learned that you can’t *force* someone to care—that you can’t *force* someone to do anything really. All I have control over is my attitude and my actions. I have learned to shake off mistakes and try try again. I have seen in my own abilities how much hard work and dedication pay off. I’ve been taught the hard lesson that I can only gauge my progress against myself. Due to injury and physical limitations, I’ve learned that it’s ok to not be ok; that it requires just as much strength to sit yourself out as it is to push through the pain. The list of trials and pains is endless—as is the wisdom I have extracted. I made the decision to never let my spirit be defeated. I look at myself in the mirror and am so proud of the woman I have become. Never has my sense of self been so clear. 

It never occurred to me that I would love roller derby this much. I joined roller derby thinking it was something different and fun I could do—I’ve been known to be a bit of an “adrenaline junkie.” But it took over my life with a force and I have never looked back. That is, until now.

Despite my love of this sport, and my commitment to maintaining a positive attitude, I am finding that it is impossible to keep some of the people I am involved with from bringing me down. I’m sure this is the case in other leagues, but the drama is overwhelming. As I come into various leadership roles, I am finding myself crushingly disillusioned with the women who I have looked up to as coaches, BOD members, and skilled skaters. It has been a year of being on the outside of (most) of the drama and being witness though usually not party to it. Even that was overwhelming. As someone now in a board position I am face to face with it every day. As I move up to skate on our WFTDA charter, I am overwhelmed by the negativity. Gone are the days of positive, encouraging teamwork if I skate for this team. Hello to constant berating, fighting, and personal issues. 

Is it like this everywhere? I find it hard to believe that on GGRD you would EVER see OMG mouthing off to Fisti Cuffs if she disagreed with a call she made as pivot on the track. Or berating her (or their manager) for her getting more playing time. As Brazilian Nut moves up to the all stars, I’m sure she will experience constructive criticism and an adjustment period as she learns to work with her new team—but I can’t picture Bonnie Thunders screaming at her for the way she was positioned in a wall. Yet this has become my every practice. This is the way these girls treat each other, and I can only brush it off for so long. It’ breaking my heart. This league is breaking my heart. 

I’m not excited to lace up anymore. I find myself for the first time being ok with missing the occasional practice. My heart is not in it—not because the sport is any less amazing, but simply because the people who I am working with are showing their true colors. 

So here is the crushing conclusion: I either stop skating, or let these girls destroy me. I’m afraid that as much as this experience has built me up, it will pull me down if I continue. I don’t know how to live without skating anymore, it’s become a part of me. But it’s also becoming something I don’t know how to live WITH either. So where do I go from here? Is it possible to walk away? 

gonna miss skating with you, girl. But SO happy for you! 

The Long Island Roller Rebels promo for the Valentine’s Massacre Bout! 

fourlittlebees:

roller derby cupcakes by two parts sugar on Flickr.

LOVE!

mistressmabel-allthekidsagree:

Can someone explain the difference between indoor and outdoor skates? I can understand the wheels, but is there anything specifically about the boots? 

Nothing’s different about the boots, but skating outdoors can be pretty rough on your leather—especially if you’re at an outdoor rink and do ANY kind of knee falling drills. I have custom fitted boots that I’ll never wear outside just because they were so expensive, I want them to last me as long as possible. If you have an older pair of skates that you can use for outdoors that’s great. If not, i used my older pair indoor and outdoor for quite a while til I could afford these new ones. The outdoor wheels though, are a must. Your indoor wheels will get bald right away, plus they don’t have the softness to absorb all the bumps in concrete or unevenness in whatever outdoor surface your skating on!

(Source: hishelmetturnedblue)

Andrea Gibson, Rush Hour

dontcallmekitten:

AHHHHH!  it says it right there, Roller Derby is perfect for me!

(Source: mackay.olx.com.au)

(Source: bloominginyouth, via optimisticminds)

(Source: optimisticminds)